Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Doing Just Fine...?
Doing Just Fine...?
Yeah, maybe. The jury is still out on that one. I have my days. My mood is for the most part good. But smiling is a challenge for me anymore. This weekend was a challenge for me in many personal ways. I keep running into the one thing I need to walk away from. I just don't understand how something so wonderful can shrivel up an die infront of my eyes. Just up and run away from me. I don't have any clue why I am the one feeling that I have wronged anyone. I am the one feeling like it's my fault for failing at this. This weekend I wore a gauze of a smile.
I know my closest friends have to be sick of me pouting. I have moved through a few stages of pain. I am approaching the "jokes" phase. Ask Rachel and Andrea. They let me have my moments at the appropriate time ( along with bubbles & berries; sky blues; and LIITs) - in moderation of course. It's funny. Good news does travel fast, but bad news travels at lightning speed. I'm suprised I haven't made the cover of US weekly... "What went wrong..." The sound track is out. It's getting some rave reviews. I have fired my publicists though. One is still hired temporarily. She still has one difficult task to manuver, should it arise again.
... coach -I honestly hope you don't view me as crazy or outrageous. I didn't cry, I don't call, I still don't get in your way or your business. But maybe that was your problem with me. Maybe that is what you are use to. Why is she still calling me? Why should I care about her domestics? She honestly doesn't care about me; or you for that matter. Why is she fake? Why aren't you truthful with me? I think apart of that is shame. I refuse to let you see what you've done to me. You aren't privy to that anymore. So whether you see me joyful or sadden - you have no clue what I am thinking or feeling. I hope you guess and I hope a small part of that bothers you ever so slightly. And if it is honestly true that she encouraged you not to settle, again I tell you congratulations...
But I'm doing just fine.