Thursday, December 08, 2011


Well the last few months have not been ideal. I definitely think I can weather a good storm and have in the past. But this time around I feel just worn and beaten up.

Now before I continue I realize I have my sister and nephew in my life and a good job good friends. I just feel like I'm being persecuted a bit.

2 months ago a part of me died a bit when someone I implicitly trusted with my heart walked away from me after holding a part of it. That's been a 7 year struggle of emotion and affection for me. And I have to tell myself its over even though its not out of my system. It probably never honestly will be.

Shortly before then I had a near miss of a tragic accident on the freeway when my tire blew next to a truck on the interstate. I found out I fractured my foot last month, walking around in this crazy boot for several more weeks. Pain and discomfort has been a minimal, but it's been a nuisance. I had a 3 day hospital stay unexpectedly. It was determined I was ok, but scared while I was there and how I got there.

Family: well we know I'm still missing my Nana and Papa. It's been a year since my father and I spoke. He knows why... I surely don't. It feeds into my separation anxiety issues I have. But again no one seems to care, except my sister. While that frustration and confusion festers, I found out another family member is sick. Our family tight enough we are supporting each other.

So I just complained about all of this. I just spilled this out in hopes to feel even again at some point. I spilled these things because I was tired of them being "spilled" on me.

I just want something to go my way. But it's been a rough go at things. I'm tired and just want to be taken care of. No more "Marvin's Room" hand just "Take Care.

Despite all these things i duck and dodge when I can. I'm just tired. Some times Bella's spark is dim.

I need some extra light.


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